my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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