I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
