he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
