No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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