butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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