my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My vagina just recognized that song.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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