when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
