I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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