Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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