I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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