the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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