i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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