You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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