So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
