Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
