do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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