so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
