farters have to be the big spoon...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
