fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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