im having a threesome with these popsicles
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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