If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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