sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
