Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am mentally ready for anal.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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