I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
