if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
