I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
