i just wanna soil my oats bro
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
