grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
