Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The air was thick with penises
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
