I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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