I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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