My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
