literally had 100 drinks last night.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
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I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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