Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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