In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
