It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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