I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
