I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
