Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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