Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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