Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
