I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
