Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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