pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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