TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
