The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
