I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
