...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
