Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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