96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
sex in a hospital.. check
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
