Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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