$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
