so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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