May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize