they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have already put on my inside pants.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
