operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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