You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
