one might say we're banned from that church
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
