We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
