I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
