We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
